My Time with Depression

Hello Everyone,

I've not posted in quite a while now, and I'm so sorry about that, its not just this blog I've neglected my Youtube as well, the only place i have kept up with is my Instagram. I have been dealing with depression for about 2 years now, and since October 2016 i have been in a really bad place with it, it's been fluctuating but when its been bad its been bad. Up until just after Christmas so around middle of Jan, things were okay, they were good all things considered but then things got really difficult in my personal life to the point were it affected my depression so bad i barely left my room or my bed. I completely forgot about my blog completely, and youtube uploads. 

Since i started youtube i have always at some point gone from posting weekly to going a month or two without posting just because I get in such a bad place and a bad way with depression that  i can't even bring myself to even think of video ideas or blog ideas, i have no motivation to film and when i try you can see i'm just not happy at all or that what i'm talking about i've lost all interest in temporarily. The last thing i want is to post negativity on my channel or my blog because they are my happy corners of the internet but i feel like you all need an explanation as to why i just disappear and then reappear for months at a time. Youtube has always been my passion i've always loved it, i speak about this on a video on my channel and i cannot even describe to you how frustrating it is to be in a constant battle with your mind, some of part of me thats holding on to whatever happiness i have left when i'm in a bad place is like tugging on one side of the rope and saying pull yourself out of this you've got all these passions you need to do them and then the depression pulls back and tells me all these negative things and the depression always wins because its stronger, and i end up being pulled back into what seems like at the time a never ending darkness. 

This blog post wasn't for sympathy, or anything like that i have never wanted to go into into detail about my depression i'm just not comfortable to go into a lot of depth about it maybe one day. I just wanted to give you guys a little insight into why i've been so distant and tell you a little a bit about so you can understand it a little bit more. All i ask is that you guys be patient with me i'm slowly getting better but it all takes time, i never would want any of you to feel like this.

YOU ARE NOT ALONE, find someone to talk to or seek help don't do this on your own.

I am hoping to relaunch this blog and my youtube channel fully in the month of May because i miss them and writing this blog and doing my videos, makes me so so happy. I just thought i will write this post explain things and then come back fully in the middle of may so i can get my blog ideas sorted.

I will see you all soon,

Grace xx